Now I don’t consider myself by any means necessary to be an authority on music. However, for the purposes of my blog, I will consider myself a goddamn master at sonically pleasing sounds. I will attempt to explain why the Jackson 5’s “I want You Back” is the greatest song in the history of humanity, inclusive of Neanderthals. To do this, I will use a performance of the song by the band on Dick Clark’s “American Band Stand” in 1970. Without further ado:
0:00-0:15 It’s odd watching this performance now especially that the 12 yr old Michael Jackson is worm food while Dick Clark is reanimated yearly from his cryogenically frozen grave to host a new year’s show. What odds would Vegas have given in 1970 for “Michael Jackson will die before Dick Clark”?
0:16-0:34 God bless Jermaine Jackson for the opening bass notes of this song. It’s instantly recognizable and has a direct injection into your dance bone. Go ahead, try not to start dancing to the beat, I dare you.
Now would be as good as time as ever to discuss the psychological damage endured by the non-Michael Jackson members of the band. Let’s say you are Jackie, Tito, Jermaine and Marlon. You’ve started a small group which is middling and unheralded. All of a sudden your younger brother starts singing and moving and people realize he’s the most talented family member. So now you find yourself having to ride the coattails of the youngest member of the group and hoping you don’t piss him off because he is your meal ticket. So what do you do? You can’t be a big brother picking on your little brother and putting him in headlocks. All of a sudden groupies want the youngest member and are wondering why a bunch of weird old dudes can’t be successful on their own. How would you feel? Would you buy 50 cats, start hoarding trash and drinking milk on hot days? I probably would.
0:34-0:44 There he is! Little Michael! He’s not even saying words and yet you’ve immediately forgotten there are other members of the band. He’s 12 years old and a superstar which begs the serious question: If he owned a time machine and was alive, would old Michael go back and molest his younger self?
0:44-1:06 Now it can be argued by smarter people then myself that this song is silly. There’s a twelve year old singing to a jilted lover asking her to give him a second chance. What the hell could he have done to break someone’s heart? Did he steal her fruit roll ups? Did he not give her a promise ring-pop?
1:06-1:31 I will give the non-Michael members some serious dap for this portion of the video. They are all dancing in unison even though some of them are playing instruments. They deserve a reserved golf clap.
1:55 Michael whips out what would later be one of his best moves – the arms out, head nodding exaggerately, half spin move. I’m not afraid to say 12 year old Michael is a better dancer then I’ll ever be. At least I’m not dead I guess.
1:55-2:13 Sorry about that, I took a quick break to dance along to the song. I mean how can you NOT dance along? It’s so dance catchy. I almost want to break up with someone just so I can sing them this song while dancing. It would be worth the trouble.
2:21-2:23 Michael let’s loose the “All I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED” with such emotional force that it makes you wonder if he was already suffering from psychosis. No one needs someone else THAT badly, especially at 12 years old.
2:23-3:10 We finish the song with a musical breakdown and Michael killing a bunch of “OH!”s like a seasoned pro.
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