Things I Don't Understand - Dive Bar Wine Drinkers

As a denizen of New York City, I am familiar with the need to drown one’s liver on a consistent basis.  While I don’t begrudge what people drink per say (unless you’re an adult male ordering a Long Island Iced Tea), I do take umbrage with drinking choices in respect to the venues where the drinking is occurring.  See, I do not understand those people that go to dive bars and order wine.  Who are they trying to fool?  You are at a dive bar, an establishment whose sole purpose is to serve beer, shots, and cheap well drinks and yet you feel the need to walk around daintily holding a wine glass filled to the brim with whatever substandard cat urine that bar felt like serving.  Half the time I’m even shocked the bar has any wine glasses, let alone wine.  So let’s make it easy for everyone and run down “the rules”.  These are the rules as imagined by myself and should not be confused with any “real” rules that might be out there:

1.      Wine should only be consumed at dinner or at a wine bar.

2.      If frequenting a dive bar, stick to beer, shots (preferably straight liquor and not something like a kamikaze) or well drinks.

3.      If you are at a wine bar, it is highly recommended NOT to drink beer.

4.   If you are at a college bar where everyone’s age can be disputed as “maybe being 20” and you are over the age of 25, you should buy yourself a Hawaiian shirt, grow a mustache and embrace being the creepy guy in the corner.