The Facebook Status Conundrum

The ubiquitousness of Facebook (FB) statuses has clouded our collective skeptical reasoning.  No one has stopped and determined what, if any, purpose is served by FB statuses.  Does someone really need to know that you are currently enjoying a meal at whatever shitty restaurant you are in? This obsession with being heard and noticed, to have our mommies rub our head and tell us we’re all “special” has permeated our daily lives and now affects how we relate to one another.

I can support and understand Twitter.  It serves a clear purpose that strips away the pretense and white noise to isolate things you might be interested in.  For instance you can follow a newspaper or reporter and see when they tweet news stories.  Twitter is great for discovering new articles and columns or educational pieces that might otherwise be lost in the ribald internet ocean.  This stripped down mass communication is also effective, as has been seen lately, in breaking news or starting movements, political in nature (I’ll concede that the effectiveness of these movements has yet to be judged and will not be judged till history deems it appropriate and as a writer much smarter then myself said, political activists are usually really good at getting in power, but no good at staying in power once small, innocuous things such as making governmental decisions come into play) or otherwise.

Facebook however is a different beast, the “Teen Mom” of social media now that Myspace’s corpse is rotting.  Its status updates has afforded everyone with a megaphone.  When did it become ok to document the everyday mundane, trivial tasks that fill up our lives?  Are we really that lonely, segregated from the population at large, and in love with our own whiny voices so as to post about our daily experiences such as when we have our first cup of coffee of the day? Why do some individuals use FB statuses to intimate their insane philosophical meanderings and/or “inspirational” quotes?  I’m deliriously happy that you feel telling the world to “smile because it will all get better” is appropriate and note worthy, but really I wish you would shut the fuck up.  I realize how callous that sounds and I’m OK with that.  Telling the world that “not many people like you but with those that do, you don’t need anyone else” (actual FB status by the way) only reminds me exactly WHY people don’t like you and reinforces my original impression that someone indeed took a sloppy dump in your fetid gene pool.

Even worse are the serial offenders who take the supplemental measure of updating their Facebook with whatever mental diarrhea they can think of and then “liking” their own status.  Listen here mental defective, mathematical transitive theory would suggest that if you updated your own status then you should like it.  Liking your own status is giving yourself a blow job and swallowing the rotten load.  Sure there are those that can do it, but that doesn’t mean you should.

             Let’s all stop this nonsense and use the lump 3 feet about our asses to be more fastidious about what we choose to share with people.