The dirty little secret no one ever talks about is that childhood and pre-adolescence are confusing, boring time periods. Hours and days bleed into each other in a never ending cascade of nothing. In my own case, this boredom was expounded since my parents didn’t have the means to send me to any type of summer camp or activity outside of my daily routine. My summer camp involved basketball, football, or baseball with friends (most of whom were friends merely because of their geographical proximity) from morning until the last dying ray of sunlight faded to then watching whatever sports were on TV. Looking back on it, it seems like nothing ever really happened so I don’t really remember specifics, but this summer, the one of 1998, was different. Things happened that summer.
Yadia lived 3 blocks away from me, up two tremendous hills which I climbed studiously each day, contributing to my gigantic 13 year old calves that made me look like an overgrown dwarf. Her house sat on the north side of the 70th street hill in a slight slant to make up for the incline of the hill which made the house look as though it was being swallowed by the earth. It was wedged between other row houses in a tragicomical attempt by the town to recreate the brownstones seen on the “Cosby Show.”
Now I never knew why she asked me to hang out that summer and really I didn’t care. I just wanted to be around her, even if it meant hanging out in her house in the constant company of her friends. I felt like a marathoner reaching mile maker 25, so close to my goal. In addition to Yadia, Janie was a constant presence since they were best friends. She was a relatively large girl with a booming voice and a mousey laugh. It was actually less a laugh and more like a breed between a giggle and a stroke. I didn’t mind her presence since she always seemed sincere and aloof. Unlike Yadia’s other friends, I never felt outright contempt from her. She was always just there, a pleasant, not terribly bothersome individual.
One particular day, after about a month and a half of hanging out with Yadia and her friends, we were all lounging around in her poorly lit home. Suddenly Yadia got up and whispered in my ear, “Hey Hector, can I talk to you in private for a minute?” BE STILL MY HEART! This was it, my time to shine. All those hours spent practicing kissing my hand, I mean other females, was about to pay off. “Sure” I responded in what I assume was nonchalant through I’m sure the rush of blood to my head made me look like an engorged penis. So she pulled me into a closet nearby and shut the door behind us. Had I not been short and chubby and unathletic, I’m sure I would have jumped for joy.
“Hector, the thing is, you’re a great guy,” she began as my heart pounded in anticipation.
“Thanks, you’re pretty cool too.”
“Great. So there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you and I think now is the right time.”
“Ok.” My gregarious nature was of course in full swing.
“Well see I was wondering if you would…”
“YES!!!!”
“Be Janie’s boyfriend.”
…….
Wait, what just happened? Before I could gather my thoughts or take care of my newly shat pants, Yadia burst out the closet doors screaming, “He said yes Janie! He said yes!” I stood in the closet unsure of what just happened when I heard a rumbling noise, much like what I assume a stampede to sound like. Janie was rumbling towards me, a run away freight train. I stood there apoplectic still unsure about what just happened. Did I really just get propositioned by my biggest crush to be the boyfriend of her best friend? Janie reached me in the closet and almost knocked me over with her momentum, since I was suffering the effects of rigor mortis. She embraced me and gave me my first kiss, while I stood there with my eyes wide open, not reciprocating. Being that I had my eyes open, I could see what was happening across the room. Yadia was in the embrace of some strange guy making out. This is my life.
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