For the past couple of months, I've been traveling for work. Both my previous firm and now current employer thought I would be better served doing work away from the office and minimize the certain negative impact on other workers (or maybe they just had work that needed to be done away from the office. It's more fun to imagine being the bad boy influence but nonetheless).
As it stands, I usually travel Sunday to Thursday night, spend a glorious 48 hours in my tiny apartment that I pay too much for, then repeat the process. It's quite thrilling, don't you think? Doing all this travel has emboldened me, dear reader, to doll out some tips (or just ramble).
1) I know TSA has this stupid rule about liquids needing to be in 3 ounce containers all contained inside a quart sized ziplock bag which must be taken out of the main luggage at the security checkpoint. Thankfully, it seems TSA agents (much like travelers) really don't give quite a shit about this. In 5 months, I've never once taken my liquids out of my luggage or been given a hard time about it. Also, since I don't check my bags, I started carrying liquids larger then 3 ounces in my bags because well, why the hell not? I'm not going to spend 3 dollars on a travel size toothpaste when I've got a perfectly good regular sized tube at home.
And the rule IS stupid - another societal overreaction to that one time some proposed terrorist was found with possible explosive liquids (one supposes larger then 3 ounces) on his person. Personally I like to imagine that there are people who clean up the cargo bay areas of planes and they went to their union (or whatever bureaucratic horseshit organization they are governed by) and complained about exploding liquids (larger then 3 ounces) causing big messes.
2) Planes are the ideal place to cut a fart. It's loud and the stink gets recycled. Try it sometime.
3) Airlines have this new thing of "boarding zones" which amount to another caste system. First people with disabilities (or elderly) and individuals that are in the armed forces can board. Next up are those folks with "preferred status" at the airline. Up next are the boarding zones, usually 1-8. These zones appear to be in place for orderly boarding by us sheep but seem to really a mechanism for boarding agents to exert a small amount of power on the masses.
So fuck them. I enjoy get on the boarding line a boarding zone before my boarding zone is announced and then being boarded. I am a rebel. (This failed once and the boarding agent made a big stink about it not being my boarding zone and asking me to please get out of line. I did because I'm not a savage but in my mind, I was SO cool about it.)
4) For some reason, I always think that one day I'm going to enter my hotel room and find the cleaning lady (or man) having sex on my hotel bed. The worst part? I'm not sure I would really be angry or disgusted and in fact would probably break out into applause.
